Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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