Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
