Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
