I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
