Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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