I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
