In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
