and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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