There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
