She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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