when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
