Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
