I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
