I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
