I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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