he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
