When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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