I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
