I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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