i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
