So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
