I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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