At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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