I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
