better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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