Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
