I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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