it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
