but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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