there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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