i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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