From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
