My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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