Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
