I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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