I wish you could order shots online.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
