I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
