So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i believe in u and ur pee
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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