I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
