ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
