its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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