He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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