i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
