That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
