Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
