we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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