Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
