Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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