How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
