He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I will be naked everywhere
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
