i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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