omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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